Can I Still Trust You?

Have you ever felt disappointed by God? Maybe he did not come through for you in the way that you had hoped he would, or perhaps a devastating loss or unforeseen circumstance has shaken you to the core. Not only are you emotionally disorientated, the foundation on which your faith stands now seems wobbly… possibly even disintegrated.

Life hit so badly, you cannot stop wondering why God allowed it happen to you – maybe you had a bit of a hand in the circumstances that led to the terrible situation that has you questioning everything… or maybe you did everything right, yet external circumstances beyond your control, like multiple storms, have rocked your boat so ferociously, you cling for dear life and desperately hope to land safely on shore.

Hope… hmmn… What is hope?

In the thick of disappointment, despair and anguish, hope almost seems insensitive to suggest. Proverbs 13 verse 12 recognises that unrelenting disappointment leaves the heart sick, but a good break can turn life around. Some life seasons bring back-to-back bad breaks with not much space to catch a breath; sometimes it is one massive horrible experience. In these moments we wonder whether we will ever get a good break. We wonder how long it will take for that good break to happen, and with each disappointment, our willingness to desire something new or something good diminishes because it aches to hope. Have you ever met someone who cannot dare to dream anymore because the realities of life have shut down whatever glimmer of hope they once had? Life can be difficult at times.

The story of Naomi comes to mind. This woman lost all hope, she changed her name from pleasantness (Naomi) to bitterness (Mara). She and her family (her husband and two sons) moved from Bethlehem to Moab to escape famine. On settling in Moab, her husband died, then her two sons died and she was left to fend for herself and her two daughters-in-law. These sorts of circumstances automatically set the stage for pain and depression because it is a lot of loss, change, identity crisis and so much internal turmoil to deal with – it will take time for her soul to accept her new reality and adapt. I once was in a bible study where Naomi’s story was being discussed. Someone suggested that a key mistake that Naomi and her husband made was that they did not inquire of God as to whether or not to move from Bethlehem – the truth is no one knows for sure, and hindsight is a wonderful thing, right? It is always easy to look back and point out ‘wrong’ decisions that led to a person’s not-so-great experiences, especially when looking from the outside.

Divine guidance is one of the by-products of cultivating a personal relationship with God – we pour out our thoughts and concerns before Him and He purifies our desires and guides us in the right paths. One of the benefits that comes from acknowledging God in ALL of our ways so that he will direct our paths (Proverbs 3:6) is that we are kept within his divine will and under his umbrella of protection; we avoid stray bullets and unnecessary detours that may be down the paths that seem right to our own human eyes and natural instincts. Still, we are human and can make mistakes even with the best of intentions, and sometimes there is only so much that we can do. In trying to convince her daughters-in-law to move on, Naomi mentions that “God had dealt her a hard blow” – this was how she felt. It takes so much not to blame God or be angry at him in situations like this; it can be hard to keep trusting him in the midst of crisis, especially when one feels disappointed that He allowed such to happen.

Can I still trust you?

Many Christians do not like to talk about these things. Christianity that glosses over the difficult realities of life and pretends as if they do not happen, I want no part in. People say things like “Do not question God” when God himself says “Come let us reason together” (Isaiah 1:18), one bible version presents this verse as “Come let us argue together”. Some people act like having a relationship with God means that we numb our emotions, or we do not use our common sense, or that everything has to be serious with zero fun and spontaneity. If God created emotions, I believe he would like for us to feel them and express them healthily – more so, in our relationship with him.

Life can happen such that our trust in God is deeply shaken, but how do we manoeuvre these moments? Moments like these are extremely delicate. If not handled with care and truth, the deeper understanding and clarity moments like this are meant to provide will evade us, and we will be left with half-baked comprehension and little experiential knowledge of what having faith in God truly is. We skirt around these issues when they come up and we hold back from probing further (perhaps because we are happy to accept our fate, we cannot be bothered, or we think it is offensive to ask God questions).

Many have left the faith because of many a disappointment. The younger generation refuses to follow the rules and regulations of religion blindly. We have questions, and we want answers. Answers based on sound doctrine – in complicated cases where we genuinely do not know, it is better to admit that we have no answers and we are still searching, than to cling to falsehoods as truths.

In second Samuel chapter 6, we see David choose thirty thousand men to bring the ark of God to Jerusalem. They were happy – singing and jubilating, as the ark which had been placed on a cart was being directed to the city. Suddenly, the oxen driving the cart stumbled. In his bid to steady the ark (to probably prevent it from tumbling down), Uzzah – one of the men helping out, reached out and touched the ark. He was struck dead right there on the spot. Imagine the sight – thirty thousand-ish people dancing and right in front of them, the thing that brought them joy had caused the death of one of them. I imagine they stopped dancing at once and stayed far away from the ark as much as possible!

David was angry. He was angry “because of the Lord’s outburst on Uzzah”. Can you blame him? I would be angry too! They had good intentions and this ark transportation was being done to please God. Instead of moving the ark to the city of Jerusalem as originally intended, David placed it in the house of a man called Obededom. Obededom’s family was blessed in the three months that the ark remained in his house, showing that the ark was not the problem. The Israelites had ignored or unwittingly disobeyed the part of God’s law which stated that no one but the Levites must carry God’s ark (1 Chronicles 15:2), hence the unfortunate Uzzah situation. Even though we no longer live under the law as they did in the old testament times because we are in the dispensation of grace, God is a God of principles. We cannot get too familiar with him, that we overlook the principles and guidelines he has laid down for us, or else we may be faced with unwanted outcomes that may cause us to somewhat find it hard to trust him.

Three times, Paul asked God to remove the thorn in his flesh but God said no – “My grace is sufficient for you.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9). God sometimes says no to our prayers especially when we do not pray according to his will; according to James 4:3, many times, we do not receive what we have asked God for because we ask amiss! Still, it takes an understanding that God has our best interests at heart and will give us what is best for us at the right time, to not get frustrated at unanswered prayers.

How do we navigate these delicate matters?

Naomi eventually regained her joy; David and the Israelites successfully navigated the ark to Jerusalem and Paul was able to experience God’s strength in his weakness and reach a place of peace about it, even though God did not take the thorn out of his flesh.

How do we move from a place of feeling disappointed by God and losing our trust in him to working through our feelings, perceptions and stances, to then reaching a place of peace on the other side whether or not our circumstances change?

First key: Understand that God loves you deeply.

God loves us with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). He came down to earth, died on the cross for our sins and reconciled us to himself. Beautiful and pure.

Psalm 84:11 says The Lord is our sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. God does not withhold anything good from us. Jesus said, “if you humans know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more your heavenly Father?” That we experience loss, pain or disappointment does not mean that God does not care for us… this leads to the next point.

Second key: Understand that we live in a fallen world.

When man sinned, we lost access to a divine world void of pain and suffering. Instead, in our world, consequences of sin, like sickness, pain and death persist. Thankfully, we shall not be here forever, thanks to God’s redemption plan. Heaven is our home, but while here on earth, we remain God’s ambassadors with the goal of living out the purpose for which he has placed us here, in the time that he has chosen for us to exist. Some of that purpose is worked out and shaped in the pain and through the struggle.

Third key: Talk to God about everything regarding said circumstance.

If you are angry at God, tell him. If you feel disappointed by God, tell him. Be honest with God about how you feel about what is going on, and ask him to help you trust Him and his process even though you do not understand. Usually, this key is not a one-time thing – it is a continuous process of inviting God to walk through difficult circumstances with you. The book of Psalms chronicles David’s up and down emotions as he lived life and struggled through neglect from his family; depression while hiding away from Saul; thanksgiving in the great times; the dejection and regret from killing one of his loyal men after sleeping with said man’s wife; the weight and cost of leadership, and so much more. Locate parts of scripture that address the issue(s) at hand – meditate on the words, receive the comfort they bring and apply the wisdom they recommend.

Fourth key: Take the steps you are led to take

It could be that you need to forgive someone, or maybe you need to forgive yourself. Perhaps you need to change your environment, or you need to attend more events. Or maybe you are led to explore your creative juices or pursue further study. It could be that you are in a new season of rest and you need to simply be, or maybe you need to take more walks. Maybe you need to communicate better with your spouse, or get therapy, or exercise more. Maybe you are meant to join a new connect group or separate yourself from others for a while… and maybe you are meant to sleep more, pray more, eat more or fast more. Possibly spend more time with friends and family, or watch more movies, travel and have more fun, or maybe it is time to be more accountable financially and write new visions and plans for the future… I have learnt that talking to God about the things I am dealing with will sometimes provide me with a leading towards what I am meant to be doing next. In tackling this next thing, I find the healing I need, get the answers I so desperately want, and find the peace I desire.

Fifth key: Know that you are not alone.

When going through hard times unique to you, it is very easy to feel alone and lonely, like you are the only one in the world going through such struggles. The truth is that there is nothing new under the sun. Someone else in history has gone through some form of the experiences you are having; in fact, several people could be going through the same difficult circumstances as you, at the same time. We, humans, tend to share the highlight reels of our lives and hide the difficult bits. It can be helpful to seek out people who have gone through similar circumstances and learn from their experiences while keying into their testimonies of triumph. More importantly, know that you are not alone in your experiences.

Very recently on Twitter (yes, I reaallly like Twitter), a young Nigerian man tweeted about how he was struggling to trust God and believe him as he did before because the things happening to him were not making sense. The story went along the lines of his wife having a miscarriage, and not too long after, his best friend’s wife who had wanted a baby so badly finally took in, but then passed away after giving birth, leaving the best friend to take care of the baby. Very sad. (I do not think I have relayed this 100% accurately, but it was something along those lines).

Not too long after tweeting about his disappointment, floods of tweets (from Nigerians mainly) in response to the original tweet came in with words and scriptures that in many ways ignored his pain and focused on how he should have faith, some even tried to make him feel guilty for feeling the way he felt… like … “how dare you not believe?”. Thankfully, there were people who were more empathetic and understanding in their responses… but they were few and far between.

I shook my head. Do you think people do not know what the Word says or that they do not want to take God at his Word? Sometimes, life pushes us out of the boundaries of our comfortability and safe spaces into new territories that are outside of our normal contexts. Sometimes, these new territories are ushered in with pain and suffering. It is okay to have questions, it is okay to feel pain, it is okay to feel hurt and feel betrayed, it is okay to feel like God has let you down… if that is how you feel.

The beautiful thing is that God gets it and He is ready to meet you exactly where you are at if you let him. Hebrews 4:15 says we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin. I also like how the Message bible version puts Psalm 34:18 – If your heart is broken, you will find God right there; if you are kicked in the gut, he will help you catch your breath. Let us go through some examples of how God met people exactly where they were when they were struggling to trust him:

Gideon

An angel appeared to Gideon in the winepress where he was threshing wheat, hiding away from the Midianites who had been terrorising the Israelites for seven good years. Over and over, the Midianites pillaged the Israelites’ crops and animals and oppressed them so much that they had to hide away in mountains and caves. God wanted to save Israel from the hands of Midian using Gideon… Gideon was not so convinced.

Gideon’s scepticism came about from the experiences he had lived through, seeing the Midianites being far too strong for Israel to overpower. He wanted to be sure… he needed to be sure, so he asked for signs, and God obliged.

Gideon asked for a sign from the angel that appeared to him – he offered the angel some unleavened bread and meat, the angel touched the food with the tip of his staff, fire consumed the food and the angel disappeared – this confirmed to Gideon that he was indeed speaking to an angel of the Lord, and not just some random person.

The Midianites began to gather together again (plus this time they had reinforcement from other countries) against the Israelites. Gideon began rallying some of the men of Israel together so they could go and fight against their enemies, but he wanted to be sure that God would come through for the Israelites like he said he would, so he asked for a sign… and then another sign. He got the confirmation he wanted each time he asked and then proceeded to battle.

God then provided a final sign that put Gideon’s heart at rest (Gideon did not have to ask this time) despite the fact that he only had 300 men on his side. God asked Gideon to make his way down to the camp of the enemy in the middle of the night. On getting to the outposts of the camp, Gideon overheard the discussion between two men from the enemy’s camp – one of the men had had a dream that the Israelites conquered the Midianites. Gideon was encouraged. Long story short, the Israelites triumphed over the Midianites. God understood Gideon’s distrust and the roots from which it came, and he was ready to help him believe and have courage again.

Maybe this is you – you want to believe again, but you cannot for the life of you try to muster up the courage to, because you have faced way too many disappointments. It is okay to ask God for signs like Gideon did, I am pretty sure he will oblige, especially when it is from a genuine place with no wrong motives. You simply want God to get you to that place where you believe in him again, past pain and disappointments.

The disciples – Thomas in particular

Before his death and resurrection, Jesus always talked about the kingdom he was going to establish. He meant the eternal heavenly kingdom we get to be a part of (the church/bride of Christ), which will be fully revealed when Jesus comes back, but the disciples thought Jesus would set up a kingdom on earth, to overthrow the Romans who were lording power over the Jews. So when Jesus was nailed to the cross, the disciples were disappointed. They had put their hope in this leader who they thought was going to set things right, but here he was, seemingly helpless on the cross.

After resurrecting, Jesus appeared to his disciples (they thought he was a ghost), he revealed himself to all of them except Thomas. When the disciples told Thomas they had seen the Lord, he did not believe. Thomas said he was not going to believe until “he sees the nail marks on Jesus’ hands and put his fingers where the nails were.” A week later, Jesus revealed himself to his disciples again and asked Thomas to put his finger on his hands… then Thomas believed.

The disciples were finding it hard to believe that Jesus would resurrect or that this kingdom he had talked about would be established; they really thought he was dead and gone forever. Jesus met them exactly where they were. He met Thomas exactly where he was; Jesus even asked Thomas to stick his finger on his hand as he had wanted. Jesus was not angry at his disciples for not believing, he did not tell them off, he simply revealed himself to them – that was all they needed to believe again.

Maybe all you need is for God to simply reveal himself to you.

Help my unbelief

A man brought his son to Jesus to be healed. This son of his had a condition the Bible describes as “having a mute spirit.” Prior to approaching Jesus, the man had approached the disciples but they could not cast the spirit out of the boy. I would also like to believe that this man had sought help from several places/people who had not been successful at healing the boy. By the time he finally got to speak with Jesus, some doubt came through in his request – “if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us” he asked. Jesus was not impressed with the hint of unbelief that accompanied how the man had requested help. The man later said “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.” Thankfully his son was healed.

The takeaway from this story is that as previously established, life can happen so much that we find it hard to believe, as evident in this man’s case. Yet, it is better to admit unbelief to God and ask for help than it is to carry on doubting and allowing unbelief come through in our prayers.

Maybe all you need to say today is “Lord, help my unbelief.”

I have learned that life happens to us all, and while God does not cause pain and loss, he does not always prevent us from experiencing them. Also, our definition of what counts as “good” may not necessarily be the same as God’s definition of “good”. God is far bigger than we can comprehend and to put him into a box based on our own experiences is naïve and narrow-minded. The way God expresses himself is far out of our individual and collective experiences. And with each horrible situation we experience, if we allow him to walk through those hard places with us, we get a new glimpse and understanding of who he is.

Remember this – God is for you and never against you. Even in your most difficult trials, remember he is on your side and has everything planned out.

Phew! That was a bit of a heavy one to unpack. Thank you for staying all the way and getting to this point. God bless you.

I am currently reading The Travels of Marco Polo; Marco Polo is sort of the world's first travel blogger. Simi’s Simisola’s album and Hymn of the Ages by Maverick City Music got me through February. At the moment, I am loving Israel and The New Breed’s Feels Like Home Album.

xoxo