It was the first week in March; it was time for me to order a new set of books. 'Now You Know Me Better' had been one of my many 'saved for later' items on Amazon for the longest time. I decided it was time to read the book, so I ordered it. I opened the medium-sized Amazon package containing my books and some knitting materials in the evening of the Friday that it arrived. Ecstatic, I picked up Toyosi's book and started reading. I completed the book in one sitting, and a third of the way through, I knew I was going to write a review.
It has been agessss since I have reviewed anything on this blog. I have also stopped promising and planning future posts because I have learnt that I cannot tell where life's ebbs and flows will take me. I allow my moods and feelings (for the most part) to dictate the things I write and when I share them - I think I like it that way. I imagine future posts will be spontaneous and in the moment... kinda like this one.
At the beginning of her book, Toyosi writes about the dichotomy between her parents' backgrounds and how she tried to navigate both worlds, making sure to keep them as separate as possible. It was not until her late twenties that she began to understand the richness that coming from two different worlds gave her. It was not until she started to accept and see her experiences as the gifts that they were that she started to heal.
Generally, human beings love to be in groups and love to stay within their own groups, we like to belong and we want to be accepted. Frankly, it seems nicer to belong to certain groups over others, especially when factors like community, love, privilege and wealth are taken into consideration. Where there is a disparity between settings in which we exist, there is the tendency to try to stick to the side(s) that seems more favourable, code-switching where necessary as life presents itself. That said, I believe the environment in which one exists can exacerbate or alleviate divisions between groups of people - I find that large cities tend to reinforce polarities between groups where relations could be much better, unfortunately leading to a toxic concoction of pride and insecurity, and consequently further unnecessary division.
To paint the story of how the two worlds she got to experience growing up did not mix, Toyosi tells the story of how once, when the hairstylist at her grandmother's plaited her hair in koroba style, kids at her school laughed at her all week. This made me think. What was it about koroba or adimole that made the kids laugh? Those are authentic African hairstyles. It made me think of growing up in Ile-Ife, where even the most educated folk donned authentic African hairstyles. Maybe the kids had grown up in a Lagos that was far removed from anything authentically African, such that they found the hairstyle genuinely funny. Or maybe they knew it was a typical Nigerian hairstyle, but one they did not want to be associated with.
All I know is that in the university town of Ile-Ife, that hairstyle would have been perfectly fine. I love that growing up in Ife, expressing authentic African culture through hairstyle, clothes, etc. did not take away from your pedigree or social standing.
I loved reading the book, it felt like I was listening to an older sister talk. Here are three things I particularly like about 'Now You Know Me Better':
It is authentically Nigerian. It is a Nigerian coming of age story, and true to the blurb, the book is about real-life African experiences. Toyosi talks about being in Primary 5 in 1995/1996, I was in nursery school then. I love that she infuses Yoruba and some Nigerian lingo into her writing to accentuate weighty parts that English was not sufficient to carry - "Won na... They beat..." took me out. Reading through her experiences provided me with a view of what growing up in Nigeria was like for older millennials (kinda like Chimamanda's Americana). I don't think it was much different from the experiences younger millennials had, except that we watched the older people make all these decisions - living in Nig, travelling/studying abroad, going back to Nigeria, building businesses, etc, through which they inspired us to make better and wiser decisions. I remember reading loads of Bellanaija posts from this demographic when I was in university and learning from discussions and debates they had as they proceeded to unlearn, learn, and live out what it meant to be a young African.
It is transparent and healing. Toyosi genuinely grew through her life experiences. She lived as authentically as she could each step of the way and embraced life as it came. She took risks and chased her dreams. Writing transparently about her healing journey frees readers to embrace their own life paths and healing too. Loss and grief are themes that run through the book - we see her grapple through difficult challenges, but we also see her emerge beautifully. Reading through her process could be cathartic for people with similar experiences.
It is laced with a practical expression of God's love. From receiving monetary gifts, getting jobs she did not apply for and doors opening miraculously when she needed it, God continuously showed up for Toyosi. I think it is a beautiful thing when faith is passed down through the generations, her grandma Amukoko provided a legacy of faith for her. Chapter 7 is my favourite part of the book - I believe this was when she truly surrendered and allowed God to work on her heart.
I laughed a lot reading this book. The final chapter is very funny, it did not seem like I was approaching the end. I was still expecting more, then abruptly. It was over! I do not like how the book ended but I am hoping that with the way the author chose to conclude it, we will be getting a sequel sometime in the future.
I recommend this book 1000%.
Toodles!
